Dancing Queen...Where Did She Go?

There are times I'd like to shut myself in a room. I'd blast the stereo or my iPod and just freely dance to some of my favorite songs. Like right now. I've got some of my favorite Goo Goo Dolls music and a few other artist blaring in my ears as I blog. Right now I'd get up and dance around the living room, but my beautiful daughter is sound asleep down the hall in my room and my handsome husband is downstairs. I wouldn't want to wake Emilie up or the possibility of Rob coming up the stairs due to the bouncing around on the floor to see why the ceiling was about to fall down. I know he'd freak the hell out of me by catching me totally off guard. But then why would he be surprised to see me doing this? Or why would I be so freaked out by him catching me? I shouldn't be embarrassed by my random incoherent dance steps. Ah...but I don't think he's ever seen me do this, even in the 14 years we've known each other. Yep, that would be a little weird.

My urge to suddenly break out in dance takes back to a time when I use to dance freely like this in the driveway when I was young. I know my Mom use to watch me dance away under the basketball hoop until late in the evening. At one time she was intrigued enough by my skills that she signed me and my two younger sisters up for dance lessons in another town. Unfortunately it didn't fit into my junior high volleyball schedule and other extra curricular activities. So I kept my dreams of being the dancing queen to the driveway under that basketball hoop. Of course I'd always had the basketball out with me because the driveway was in clear shot of the street. Anyone out on an evening walk could catch me off guard and see me. I sure many in town wondered what I was up to. However, if I was quick enough, I'd grab that basketball and make it look like I was shooting hoops to music. I was a carefree spirit when I was young. What happened to that girl?

Somewhere along the way I lost the carefree spirit I found as a child. Doing things on the whim were lost. But exactly when I can't remember? I remember taking off in the middle of the night while in college to head to Perkins for a food induced study session. I remember sitting out late at night under the stars with my boyfriend at any given time and checking out the stars and just talking about anything that caught our interest. Oh, and there was puddle jumping on rainy days. Yep, it's exactly what it sounds like. Very messy, but laughing so hard we could hardly breath!

Speaking of rain...there is one night I'll never forget. This particular night I spent out at the bars a friend, her boyfriend and his friends. I was ready to go home, but my friend wasn't about to let me walk alone. To my amazement, one of her boyfriend's friends volunteered to walk me back to my dorm room, in the rain. As we seeked cover from one building to the next, we talked freely asking each other questions about one another. Suddenly we realized there was no way we could stay dry any longer. He took my hand and proceeded to cross Lincoln Way. The street was completely empty and once we hit the middle of the intersection, this unpredictable young man spun me around and started dancing with me in the pouring rain! I looked into the sky and let the heavy rain fall onto my face and I laughed. The next thing I know we were standing on the sidewalk, engaged in a kiss that was so beautifully unexpected. That moment was never relived. This respectable young man who was to graduate that spring, walked me to the entrance of my dorm and thanked me for wet walk and sporadic dancing in the street. He turned, ran down the steps on the west end of Friley hall and I never saw him again.

That was one of those nights I'd dreamt about. Yes, dancing in the rain completely on a whim with a beautiful soul I didn't know was a secret fantasy I had. Feeling so carefree, pursued and respected gave me such an adrenaline rush and every time I think of that moment, in the middle of Lincoln Way, with the rain hitting my face, I wonder where that girl went? At some point after that night I lost me. I lost that day-dreaming creative girl inside of me.

Recently, I've seen the day-dreaming creative girl. I've seen that girl in my own daughter as she dances freely across the living room. When she looks up at me with those wondering eyes and smiles without a worry in the world. As she sits in the corner of the living room at her small table and chairs, she quietly draws colorful random lines and scribbles. Emilie reminds me of who I once was. A creative, free spirit who wanted to create beautiful art and experience so much in life. So much so, that this once lost carefree spirit did the most unexpected thing most would never have thought she'd do. She got a nose piercing at 34 years old! Oh how I feel that carefree spirit in me. It's been wanting to break into dance...once again in the rain.